Reflections 3 Months in: Redundancy, Rest, New Job

Recap

If you remember, I was made redundant a few months ago. It was a strange mix of shock and relief, and I didn’t really know how to feel about it at the time. I shared a short update then, but the last few months have given me a bit more space to notice what was actually going on underneath.

Life moved quickly after the news. I ended up with a new role almost straight away, partly because I applied right after getting the email, and partly because a few people amazing in my network supported me. Before starting, I had a holiday and then about a month of nothing structured. I didn’t realise how long it had been since I’d had that kind of pause.

What the break felt like

1. The initial stress faded faster than I expected

Once the holiday feeling wore off, the panic of not having a job softened. I genuinely thought a longer break might not be a bad idea at all.

2. Slower days felt really good

I enjoyed not having to rush through chores, errands, or appointments after work hours. It reminded me how different life feels when time isn’t squeezed around a full workday. I also noticed that I don’t feel bored when I’m not working. If anything, I was more bored during my 9 to 5 than I ever was during the break.

3. I knew I might be seeing things in rose-tinted glass

There was a part of me that knew I could relax because I already had a job lined up. So yes, there was probably a bit of safety-net thinking there, but even then, the rest still felt valuable.

Going back to work: A few things that came up

1. The “I don’t have enough yet” mindset came back quickly

I have a few big purchases this year and next year, and earning a stable income made me feel better, especially when it means I don’t have to touch my capital. The more I thought about upcoming plans, the more I felt like I didn’t have enough. It was interesting to observe how quickly that switch flipped back on.

2. The job is fine, the people are kind, but mentally I feel a bit off

There’s nothing wrong with the role or the team. They are good people who care about their work, which is a blessing. The work is manageable. There are inefficiencies, but that happens everywhere. I even got paid instructor training with the platform I wanted. Objectively everything looks good.

The problem is that something in me still feels unsettled. I am doing the work I need to do and doing it well, but I no longer have the drive to care about everything else going on in the office, the industry, or even the wider learning around it.

3. I am torn between taking a break and staying for now

My partner asked what’s actually keeping me in the job, because I can take time off if I choose to. I realised I’m holding a few things in mind:

• I have some bigger expenses coming up, and even though I can afford them, I’d rather not touch my capital yet

• People in my network helped me get this job, and I feel I should at least try to honor the 12-month contract

• This role gives me experience with a newer platform in my industry, which might help if I ever need the skills again

These are practical reasons. None of them are emotional.

But they do sit there, probably as the reasons I use so I don’t just quit tomorrow.

The underlying fear

I think the real fear is not about money or the job itself.

It is about what I think might happen if I actually stop.

• What if I take a proper break and then never want to return to paid work?

• What if I do need to work again later and find it hard after being away?

• What if I am no longer employable by the time I decide to come back?

I know these thoughts are not completely logical. There are plenty of examples of people who took long breaks or stepped into early retirement and still found ways to earn again one way or the other. The door does not suddenly disappear, nor it is irreversible.

But I also know this fear is coming from the part of my brain that tries to keep me safe, even when it is not entirely accurate.

And I have not fully figured out how to quiet that part yet.

If I am honest, another layer of this is that I do not fully trust my future self or my ability to handle whatever comes later. If I had more confidence in that, maybe this fear would not feel as strong.

So this is something I need to unpack about myself.

What I am doing now

I am reading Dave Gow’s new book: You’ve Got Money…. Now What? and hoping it gives me something to think about.

I am also planning a few things I need to do before pulling the plug on work, including things I want to learn and the cost to do them.

One step at a time, with intention.